I Am One In Four

I Am One In Four (Part One)  - Guest Post by Heather Hughes

Statistics. There's nothing overly fun about being a statistic. With miscarriage and infertility, it's not really something you strive to be. It's not a club anyone wants to join. Yet, here I am. Too many other friends are members of this painful club as well. Every October I am open about the journey my husband and I walked to have our children. Too many times women are silenced and made to feel their losses weren't real or important. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. When you have a miscarriage, it is a loss. 

Growing up I always wanted to be a part of a large family. The older I got I prayed to have a girl, followed by two boys and then another girl. When my husband and I were first married we talked about having two or three children. I prayed for twins in order for us to have the larger family. He was aware of what I prayed. It took a long while to get pregnant. When I finally saw the first positive on a pregnancy test in Dec of 05, my joy was short lived. Within a week of finding out we were expecting; our precious child was gone. The next miscarriage came at the end of April of 06, just a week shy of Mother’s Day. It would take well over a year before I became pregnant again, only to lose baby three in August of 07. 

After three miscarriages and it taking so long to get pregnant in between, my OB decided to run an extensive blood panel in attempt to identify the issue. After the panel was run, I was sent to a specialist to review the results. My husband and I sat in a tiny little room as the specialist looked at us and told us I was a Type 1 carrier for 2 types of blood clotting disorders as well as a carrier of MTHFR. I could continue to get pregnant, but chances were, I would never carry a child to term. I remember standing in the stairwell of this building, overlooking downtown Nashville and sobbing. My husband had his arms around me, but nothing could bring peace to what appeared to be the death of a dream I had of being a mother. My dreams of pregnancy, cravings, picking out nursery furniture, baby clothes, hearing "mama" were gone. All I wanted was to be pregnant and my body wasn't doing what it was created to do. 

My husband had talked about adopting. I saw it as an option, but at the time my heart just wasn't there. In the spring of 08 he broached the subject with me again and I was open to at least talking about it. He was all in. In his mind, the Lord could and would grow our family how He saw fit. All the while my husband was praying the prayers of Sarah, Rachel and Elizabeth. He had the faith the Lord would bless us with a child. Honestly, I felt like the Lord was angry with me and I was being punished for something. My walk with the Lord had been rocky at best since the last miscarriage. My faith was almost none existent at this point. 

Then came the fall of 2008. There was another positive pregnancy test. I distinctly remember telling my husband "Give it a few days and it will all be over." 

My loving husband continued to pray. There were several trips to my OB. I was placed on a prenatal vitamin, progesterone, a high level of folic acid (something my body refused to produce or absorb) and a low dose of aspirin to reduce the chance of blood clots. We had multiple scares. I was placed on modified bed rest. I was only allowed to go to work because I was a school based therapist and I could sit most of the day. I had more ultrasounds than most women would have in 6 or 7 pregnancies. It took until December when we had the gender reveal ultrasound before I could get excited about being pregnant. 

When the tech told me, we were having a little girl, I cried tears of joy. I couldn't believe I was staring at MY baby on the screen. Her heartbeat was strong and one of the most beautiful sounds I think I had heard up to the moment in my life. When the tech left, my husband prayed over me and our precious little girl. Two days after Mother's Day of 2009 I held my beautiful, healthy, baby girl for the first time.

Visit the blog next week to hear more of Heather's Story!

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